His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
