belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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