Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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