He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
