Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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