The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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