T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize