Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everclear isn't food dammit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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