New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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