im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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