you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
