Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
