drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
