Sry I called you an 8
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
