I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
