i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
