sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
