WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
