I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
