I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
