I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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