Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
