is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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