i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
