morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize