She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
