i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
