we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
