im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
