I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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