I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
