Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
