I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize