I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
