Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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