I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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