do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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