I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
