chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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