I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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