So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
