That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
