You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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