Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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