My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
