I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
