The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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