Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
