haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
