Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
