Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize