Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
