Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
