im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
