i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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