I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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