mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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