Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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