I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
