i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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