How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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