Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
