I'm so fucking centered right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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