U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
