3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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