Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
