so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think your dad took our porno
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
false alarm, still single
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
