you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
