I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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