i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
