I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
