toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
