I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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