Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
