I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
