Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
