I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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