WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
