I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
