According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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