I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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