Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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