just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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